New Start

Today is the start of something new and long lasting (hopefully) - Steve and I took a walk. I want this to become a daily routine for us.

I have to do something about my weight. I have hemmed and hawed and postponed and put off long enough....it is time, so I started with walk around the block today. It's not exciting or revolutionary, it's was just a walk, but it was something. It was something and something is more than the nothing that I was doing.

On a different note...I finished a knitting project yesterday - the hat I have been working on for Stevie. My first knitted hat is complete! Yeah!!! :0) He says he likes, so I hope he is being truthful!

Why?

I am becoming more and more disappointed with how my life has turned out. I look at everyone I have known...great jobs, having kids, finished/finishing school, etc. Then I look at mine...great husband, but nothing much else.

The job hunt thing is really working on me...I don't know how I am going to make it through this.

Pity Party

I am still having the pity party for myself. It is an open invitation, so all are welcome to join me in thought, just make sure to bring your own snacks and drinks!

I am trying my best to hide my depression about this, but it is getting more and more difficult. I find myself lingering in stores because I don't want to go home. What do I have to look forward to there? Nothing. I am not so sure I am going to make it through this.

Trying to Look the Future in the Eyes

I am just about a month removed from my layoff. Since then, we have driven to Maine. We had a few days at Steve's parents and then went up from there. We made it to my mom's last Monday. Steve left to come back down here on Wednesday. I went to my sister's on Thursday. Steve met me and my sister in Lake City on Sunday....

This is the end of my third day of reality since the layoff. I say that because we had the trip to look forward to before....Now, I have nothing but money worries and trying to find a job that I will probably hate and getting more mired down here in Florida. I so want to be up north, somewhere north of Boston, but I have a feeling that will be a dream that will never be realized....

What are my prospects? Nothing. What am I qualified for? Boring, crap jobs.

Official Last Day

Today is the official last day...I had to deliver my signed severance paperwork. It was really difficult to walk in there with my head held high. I am not so sure if I was successful or not. We were planning on heading to Tallahassee today but Stevie wasn't feel good so we decided to stay home.

I am not so sure how I am going to be able staying home all day, every day. All of the little noises the house makes are already driving me crazy. But what can I do? I don't have much of a choice. They didn't give me much of a choice.

I have a lot of anger now about the situation. I just don't understand why it had to be me. My 7 years with the company was nothing compared to the majority of the ladies on my team. However, I have something only one of them has....an agent's license.

How am I going to move on from this? Where am I going to start? Do I sell myself short and look at entry level jobs? Or do I shoot for the stars, using my experience as a jumping board? I just don't know....

Today

As I sit at my soon to be vacated desk, I am having mixed feels about this transition. I am scared and I am relieved. I am cold and I am hot. I am nervous and I am relaxed. One thing I know for sure - I am completely exhausted because of the emotional roller coaster ride I have been on since last Thursday.

I have decided that tomorrow afternoon will be spent at a LYS knitting. I am going to give myself a few weeks to recover before I start seriously looking at my future options.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the last day of this episode in my life. Well, Thursday officially is, but tomorrow is my last day in the office. I just cannot take the sitting and waiting, so I just decided to go.

This is going to be a difficult transition for me. I don't like change. As a matter of fact, I hate change and I do not adapt well to major changes such as this. All I can say is "we will see".

The support network I have is going to get a major workout from me in the next couple of months while Steve and I toss around the decisions that have to be made now that we are both out of work.

Hope I can walk out as unnoticed tomorrow as I did today, but I doubt that is going to happen.

The Ups and The Downs of 2009

Let's start by saying there haven't been too many ups in 2009. It all started on 1/13, when we found out Steve's job center was closing at the end of March. We had the opportunity to move to OK City, but decided to stay here because of my job. On 1/30, my stepfather passes away. We make it quietly through February. In March, I get pneumonia and Steve's job ends. Little downs happen in April. In May we find out that Steve's dad has an abdominal aortic aneurysm and will have surgery in June. The Friday before the surgery, we find out that Steve's dad's blood counts are too low for the surgery to be done safely, so it is postponed. The doctor's give him a couple of shots to help boost his numbers. A day or two later, he is in the ER throwing up blood because of the medications. All of that gets squared away, so the surgery is delayed until things are better. On July 4, Steve and I are with my mom in Dothan, AL, when my sister calls me to let me know she is taking my dad to the ER with chest pains and shortness of breath. He had to have 3 stints put in. He is feeling much better now. The beginning of August, one of my best friend's mom passes away. The same day, I go to the ER with chest pain (probably from the lack of stress I have experienced this year)...I am admitted (NO, not committed!). I am put through a battery of needle pokes and tests. All turns out well, and I am released two days later.

To continue with the stress free year I have had so far, I find out on Thursday that my position is being eliminated - only my position, no one else. My last day will be Sept 17...but I am hoping I will be able to take my last two vacation days on Wednesday and Thursday.

What to do now? I really want to just take off for a week....Head to Tallahassee for a few days to visit friends that I can never visit when I only have a weekend there. Then head up to Philly to visit with Steve's parents for a few days... But then I think about the money that would cost and how that money will probably be needed for bills...

Being an adult and having adult responsibilities BITES!

So I Haven't Held Up My End of the Deal

The resolutions put forth in a previous post have been failed at and miserably! I have come to realize it is going to take more than just making up my mind to do it...I have to be accountable to an outside, third party. I am going to try to talk S into letting me go to a nutritionist. Once I start with that, I would love to start working with a trainer again. I really got a lot out of working with a trainer previously, but things happened - I had surgery and she moved out of state - so I didn't get to continue with her.

As far as knitting from the stash....Let's talk about something else. :0) I found a really neat app for the iPhone, KnitBuddy. It has a stash feature that allows for pictures of the yarn, fiber content, yarn weight, color, dye lot, number of skeins, yards/meters per skein, ounces/grams per skein, and swatch information. I have taken the time to catalog all of the yarn AND take pictures, so I will have an accurate record of what I have. The app also has functions to list projects, knitting needles and crochet hooks. As with all things, there are pros and cons. My main con for the app is that there is no way (that I know of) to download the information from the phone to the computer. It would be great if they would create a similar program for the computer, so the information could be sync'd. I am trying to get all of the yarn loaded into Ravelry now...This is a CHORE, but I want to do it so I know what I have.

Another resolution I made, but really didn't mention to anyone was about going back to school. I have been looking into it for a while. I finally took the plunge today and applied. I applied to the online degree program with UMass - will probably end up working on an English major. I am hoping they will accept the credits I earned when I went to TCC for a year in the early 90's...not overly positive that will be the case, but I can hope! :0)

Thanks for reading!

Note to Self

NOTE TO SELF: Do not watch tv shows at night about people investigating hauntings! :0)

New Year - New Outlook

I am going to make the same resolution as many will make - being healthy. This will include eating better and exercise. I know this will lead to weight loss and that is one of my goals for the year, but it is not the main one. Being healthy involves so much more than just losing weight. I am going to attempt to be more cognizant of what I eat - limited fast food, more fruits/veggies, less sodas, more water, etc. I just celebrated my 34th birthday and have realized that the more years I let slip by, the more difficult it will be to make the changes that I have to make.

Along with the health resolution, I have resolved to knit from my stash and not buy any more yarn...There are exceptions of course. When Steve and I go to visit his family in Philly, I will visit a few little shops up there, so if I find something that is unique, I will allow myself to get it. Other than that, no more yarn or fiber! :0)

There are a few more solutions, more effort to keep house clean, get guest room organized, etc...